.:Saturday, May 30, 2009:.
Answering THE Question
| Despite the fact that a lot of military families have been through what we are going through at least once, I'm still regularly asked how I do it. Or the statement is made, I don't know how you are doing it. The last few weeks have without a doubt been the hardest yet. Which is quite amusing actually. One would think that the closer we get to him coming home, the easier it would get. But, we have passed the one year mark by over a month now and things have slowed down considerably at home. Which in turn gives me way too much time to myself....which allows me way too much time to sit around missing him. I miss him every second of everyday, but at least when I'm busy with something, I'm not completely focused on 'missing him'...if that makes any sense at all. Honestly, I think I'm having a harder time with it now than when he left. That statement may not be completely true, but it certainly feels true. As I sat here, I thought about the previous questions and statements and my typical response to everyone....."it's hard, but you just don't have a choice but to be 'okay'." I have spent the majority of the morning on the computer (which I have avoided like the plaque for the past few weeks) looking through our pictures over the last year and couldn't help but laugh at some of the insanity! I bought a MOTORCYCLE! Me! I was terrified of them honestly and STILL bought one thanks to the overwhelming persuasion from Jeff! Tehehehehe.   We took TWO trips to Hawaii. I haven't really read in years, but in the past 6 months I have read almost 20 different books. I took up basketweaving and have gone crazy weaving over a dozen baskets since February. I joined every board that I possibly could....that's not necessarily so unusual though. I became an ordained minister so that I could marry our friends.  I have re-arranged and re-organized every room in the house at least twice. I have taken up working out (that one is a really good thing though), but tend to do it for hours and hours a day. Then I realized the real answer and response to those questions. You go crazy while setting reminders up around you to keep you grounded while you are in this state of temporary insanity. So, I thought I would share with everyone some of my reminders and thank my amazing husband for giving me such wonderfully perfect ones! First, the clock that hangs next to my "usual spot" in the house. Even when I'm not trying, I see the pendulum swinging from my seat. On occassion, I will even mute the tv and listen to it. Anytime he sends me anything, it makes me feel incredibly special, but this one in particular was special because he knew how much I love clocks. I've always talked about my grandparents clocks and that I wanted a collection like theirs of my own someday. He started that for me!  Then, there's the card collection that I have sitting in the mail basket that I weaved sitting by our phone. Everytime I'm in the kitchen, I see those cards and smile. I stop every once in awhile and re-read them all too!  In the hallway hangs my leather jacket. He didn't send it to me or buy it for me, but every single time I look at it, I remember how incredibly supportive he is of whatever I want to do (no matter how crazy it may seem). Of course, I also remember how long he went on about how "hot" I looked in it too! *grins* Because of these reasons, I refuse to put it away with the rest of my riding gear.  A couple of months after Jeff left here from his mid-tour, I decided to go out for a ride. When I went to put on my boots, I found a note that brought tears of happiness to my eyes. That note is now placed on our bedroom light switch. I read it everytime I leave the bedroom.  There's one card he sent that does not stay in the kitchen. Instead, I use it for a book mark in whatever book I happen to be reading at the time. Since I carry said book with me where ever I may go, that card is also always with me. It's the one that he sent for our anniversary this summer and is definitely my favorite to read over and over again.  Of course, there are the obvious reminders like, family pictures and other random pictures of us together around the house.  And I have all of his "work" pictures lining the hallways that often make me stop and analyze each one.  I wear my pearl necklace from Hawaii everyday. It may have been one of the "corniest" things we ever "fell for", but it was also fun, cool and something we will forever remember....the day we remarried AND became official Hawaiians! Tehehehe. I've tried wearing different pieces. I even went so far as to lay out every piece of jewelry I own across our dresser, but when I have changed it out, I was always disappointed when I reached for my necklace and it wasn't there. I missed touching it the entire time.  There are tons more. I could sit here all day pointing them out. It's hard, really, really hard. Somedays you wonder how you will make it another day, but there's your answer. You go a little crazy, keep things moving as much as you can and you wake up everyday reminding yourself that you are one day closer to being reuinited. |
