.:Friday, September 18, 2009:.
Funny From an Old Friend
| How many times is it appropriate to say "What?" before you just nod and smile because you still didn't hear what they said? MapQuest really needs to start their directions on #5. Pretty sure I know how to get out of my neighborhood. *** Obituaries would be a lot more interesting if they told you how the person died. Bad decisions make good stories You never know when it will strike, but there comes a moment at work when you've made up your mind that you just aren't doing anything productive for the rest of the day. Can we all just agree to ignore whatever comes after DVDs? I don't want to have to restart my collection. I'm always slightly terrified when I exit out of Word and it asks me if I want to save any changes to my ten page research paper that I swear I did not make any changes to. I hate when I just miss a call by the last ring (Hello? Hello? Damnit!), but when I immediately call back, it rings nine times and goes to voicemail. What'd you do after I didn't answer? Drop the phone and run away? I hate leaving my house confident and looking good and then not seeing anyone of importance the entire day. What a waste. When I meet a new person, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking. Why is a school zone 25 mph? That seems like the optimal cruising speed for pedophiles... Sometimes I'll look down at my watch 3 consecutive times and still not know what time it is. It should probably be called Unplanned Parenthood. I keep some people's phone numbers in my phone just so I know not to answer when they call. I think that if, years down the road when I'm trying to have a kid, I find out that I'm sterile, most of my disappointment will stem from the fact that I was not aware of my condition in college. Even if I knew your social security number, I wouldn't know what do to with it. Even under ideal conditions people have trouble locating their car keys in a pocket, their cell phones while in their hand, and Pinning the Tail on the Donkey - but I'd bet my ass everyone can find and push the Snooze button from 3 feet away, in about 1.7 seconds, eyes closed, first time every time... I disagree with Kay Jewelers. I would bet on any given Friday or Saturday night more kisses begin with Miller Lites than Kay. |
